Is Your Family a Mixed Bag? If so, You’re Not the Only One

           My colleague and master teacher here at the Friedman Commission for Jewish Education, Lynne Lieberman, recently taught a class at the Mandel JCC entitled, “Is Your Family a Mixed Bag?.” It was a weekly course to learn more and share experiences about families with members of different faiths and their connection to Judaism. The course was intended for anyone and everyone who was interested. Well, that’s just about all of us, right? I know that certainly includes me, and I don’t think I know of any of my friends who don’t fall under this category either. SO, one would think that Lynne’s class would be packed, but sadly, it was not. Perhaps it wasn’t being offered on a convenient day/time or maybe because people didn’t hear about it or people weren’t even looking for it (**sigh**).

This got me to thinking about these “mixed bags” that we all have and the issues, conversations and conflict that arise. Do you find yourself asking: Who do we invite to our family Seder? Can I invite my non-Jewish relative for an honor at my child’s baby naming or Bar Mitzvah? At the end of each calendar year, does your family discuss the “December Dilemma”?
{read this great article that took that discussion a bit further}

If we are all asking ourselves these questions, where are we getting the answers? If not at a class like the one Lynne was leading, then where? Are you talking to your friends? Other family members? Your clergy? Anyone? Who do YOU turn to when you have interfaith issues, questions, concerns or want to explore one faith or another? Do you look online for answers? I wonder if our local parents of different faiths feel comfortable going together to temple or to church? Do local families know that many of our local rabbis are open to discussing Judaism with non-Jews, offering classes and even performing conversions? Are any of the wonderful online resources used at all? 

In the work I do every day with our Jewish community partners (temples, Jewish organizations, JCC, etc.) planning family engagement opportunities, I can’t tell you how many times the conversation turns into a discussion about how we can make whatever family program, service or event we are planning inclusive for everyone. The professionals and board members understand that nowadays every family is a mixed bag.  The real dilemma is how do we make the two meet? How do we get our “mixed bag” families involved and engaged in our Jewish community that desperately wants to include them?

This is really tough, and there may not be one clear cut answer. It seems to me that we may need to call in a Matchmaker to make this “shidduch”! Or, maybe it’s still an evolving relationship that will take more time. I am not sure.

For now, I am encouraged to see that local families are starting to recognize and identify themselves as real “mixed bags” and are interested in exploring what that means and how they can fit into our Jewish community. I am proud to work with others at the Friedman CJE like Lynne who are so knowledgeable about not only Judaism but other faiths and how they intermingle and relate to each other.  I am blessed to have a job here where I get to help people every day connect to our Jewish community and to find something that speaks to them and helps their families grow no matter what kind of bag they own.

Hiking Boots to Heels--How Connecting Families to Jewish Life & Learning Takes A Lot of Shoes

As I turned the corner from the owl exhibit to the snake display at Busch Wildlife I caught a glimpse of my hiking boots reflected on the glass of the boa’s habitat. This made me smirk a bit, but only for a second because my attention was quickly redirected to the four-year-old blond-haired girl tugging on my PJ Library® t-shirt. She was pointing to a dead mouse in the snake habitat. “Shhh,” I said, “it’s sleeping”. I thought it was a pretty good instant response; the little girl just smiled at me and moved on to the next exhibit.

I don’t wear hiking boots every day, but how cool is it that there are days in my work that I do? On that particular day, I was on a “Teva Trek” (Jewish nature walk) with preschool families. We wandered through a local wildlife preserve, looking at animals, appreciating nature and talking about the PJ Library® book, Fox Walked Alone. To see and hear these four-year-olds holding hands, walking together in pairs (just like the animals in the book), recalling the Hebrew word for “fox” (it’s shu-al, btw) and talking about showing kindness to animals the Jewish value of Tza’ar Ba’alei Hayim, (“the suffering of living things”) was pure excitement for me, their teachers, their parents and for the children. I could see their big smiles as they held up their homemade binoculars to look closely at the animals and when they got a high-five from our Shlichim (Israel ambassadors) for saying a Hebrew word correctly. It was a great morning.

That one great morning took weeks to plan with our partners: The One School at Temple Beth Am in Jupiter and with our Israeli Shlichim from our Jewish Federation, and boy did it pay off.

The children had a blast, the parents had fun too. But for me, it was what they left with that made the difference. Some left with a better understanding about nature, animals and the Jewish value. Others left with an understanding of what our Shlichim do while they are here from Israel in our community. Most left with my favorite takeaway— the knowledge that a PJ Library book can come to life in a new way and in a different place. 

I love these kinds of mornings. I don’t always get to see them first-hand:Most of our collaborative programs (over 30 each year) take place without my physical presence at the actual program/event. But on this day, with my hiking boots on, I could see for myself some of what happens all over our community almost weekly—a real Jewish connection is made.

After I said my “L’hitraot” (Hebrew for “see you later”), I went directly to the nearest Starbucks bathroom for a quick change from my hiking boots and cowboy hat to high heels and a business suit. Then I drove back to the Friedman CJE offices to make a presentation to our Board of Directors—another exciting opportunity, getting to tell others about the work we do every day! 

After my transformation, I entered the boardroom, USB thumb drive in hand, to give a Powerpoint presentation about the Jewish Family Life department and how we cover the 900-square- mile area that we call our Jewish community. I gave our board a thorough presentation about how we reach and engage young families raising Jewish children, acting as the concierge for parents to the Jewish community. I talked about collaborative programs like the Teva Treks, Story Times and Tot Shabbats, along with the consultation work we do throughout the community creating experiential Jewish learning opportunities in our preschools, religious schools and day school. My feet ached a bit by the time I finished (they probably would have rather I stayed in the boots), but in the end, the board members were engaged in our story, asking questions, wanting to learn more—which was even more exciting for me. 

By the end of the day when I finally took off my heels, it had been more than 12 hours since I had put on my boots. My feet felt sore but my heart felt GOOD. As I returned both pairs of shoes back to my closet, alongside the others, it dawned on me how engaging families really does take a lot of shoes!

If You Build It, They Will Come!

     I am well aware that most Jewish families in the Greater Palm Beaches do not build their own sukkah. Maybe that's why I feel so compelled each year to invite everyone and anyone I know to come visit ours. It's kind of another excuse to have mini-parties all week long: breakfast get-togethers, family dinners, afternoon snack and swim parties. I am very good at coming up with an occasion for any time of day.
    This has made me wonder why others don't build one of their own? I know it can seem to be a huge and expensive undertaking, but it doesn't have to be. For years, I have seen many families use simple materials from Home Depot or Lowe's to make a small pvc framework for a "Florida-friendly" backyard sukkah. There are lots of websites (below) and even some creative ideas on Pinterest that can help too. This can be a another great way for you and your children to do something TOGETHER in this new year. How about using a large cardboard box to make an indoor playhouse sukkah for your next play date? Or, making a dollhouse sukkah from a small box? All I am saying is, however you decide to build it, I promise, if you build it, they will come and YOU will be glad you did!

Information about local Sukkot events:
CJE Online Calendar of Events.
Sukkah Building/Purchasing Resources:
http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/Jewish_Holidays/Sukkot/At_Home/The_Sukkah/Laws/Building_a_Sukkah.shtml
http://www.sukkahdepot.com/
Fun Sukkot Ideas:
http://voices.yahoo.com/sukkah-crafts-kids-during-sukkot-5143571.html
General Information about Sukkot:
http://www.pjlibrary.org/parents-and-families/reading-tips-and-resources/jewish-holidays/sukkot-and-simchat-torah.aspx

Summertime Jewishness

     My Facebook newsfeed has been filled this week with Pre-K and Kindergarten graduation pictures (too cute!), last day of school shots and dance recital videos. It must be time for summer. Hooray!
     This has gotten me thinking about how we spend our summertime. Of course there are camps to choose, vacations to plan, but what about our "Jewishness"? Without any major Jewish holidays during June, July, and August, do we stop being Jewish? Now, of course the answer to that is "No". So I guess the question is really, what can we do to celebrate our "Jewishness" all summer long?

     I've posted in years past about how I've made my family vacation include Jewish customs, rituals, and celebrations. But now I am thinking about the whole summer. Jewish day camps and sleep away camps are a wonderful way to instill the love for Judaism, Jewish culture, music, etc. And, many synagogues locally still offer Shabbat services (Friday evening or Saturday) all summer long. As a matter of fact, these summer services are usually more laid back, offered earlier, and often are shorter. What a great way to expose young kids to temple worship! To find something close to you, checkout our online calendar : https://www.cjepb.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=184&Itemid=355
     For me, I think turning any summer activity into a something Jewish can be fun. A backyard BBQ on a late Friday afternoon/evening can become an outdoor Shabbat meal. A Saturday afternoon at the beach can become dinner and Havdalah service. I've always wanted to plan a Pop-Up Shabbat in a fun outdoor location. All you need is list of your friends and a place. Then you email, text or post on Facebook and/or Twitter a location you choose for a Pop-Up Shabbat location. Ask others to bring an item or food dish. What a fun and different way to celebrate with other families.
     And then there's the obvious for me.....reading our favorite PJ Library (http://www.pjlbrary.org/) books together and discussing the stories and the Jewish values and ideas in each one. These ideas (and others I am sure you can think of) all take very little planning but can have a big impact. I say, summertime is not a vacation from our "Jewishness" but rather another chance to make it fun for the whole family. And, if you need a little help to make it happen, you know where to find me, a.bergman@cjepb.org.

The Ultimate Dress-up Party!

Very soon we will find ourselves looking Purim in the face! Purim is the most festive of Jewish holidays, a time of prizes, noisemakers, costumes and treats. The Festival of Purim commemorates a major victory over oppression and is recounted in the Megillah, the scroll of the story of Esther. Purim begins at sundown on February 23rd. I love Purim. My kids LOVE Purim. It is the ultimate dress up party. It however, does require some creative thinking and resourcefulness at a time of year where you can’t find a Halloween clearance costume to save your life.

Luckily, most real little ones are happy to throw on a Disney princess dress or a terry cloth robe with a Burger King crown and call it a day. However, as the kids get older than 5 or 6, the stakes get higher. Did you know you don’t have to dress like a character from the Purim story? Actually, it’s much more about disguising who you are, no matter who or what you dress up like. One year, my daughter dressed like a Shalach Manot basket filled with goodies (it is customary at Purim time to send baskets of goodies to friends, neighbors and family). Here are some more things you may not know about this fun holiday:
Did you know that the expression "the whole megillah" comes from the holiday of Purim?
On Purim, the story of Esther is read from a scroll known as a megillah. The whole megillah must be read twice on Purim, once at night and once the following morning.
Did you know that there is even a Purim custom that calls for getting inebriated? (actually, most Jewish college kids know this little fact)
Indeed, Jewish law commands that Purim revelers get so intoxicated that they can't tell the difference between the names of the hero of the Purim story, Mordechai, and its villain, Haman.
Did you know that Purim is one of the only Jewish holidays not commanded in the Torah? The holiday can trace its roots to the Talmudic period. The earliest known celebration of Purim was in the 2nd century CE.

I think I may get off easy this year with one out of my two kids opting to wear a costume from her closet. But let me warn you, waiting to get a costume together until the last minute just before your child’s Preschool, Religious School or synagogue Purim celebration is a recipe for disaster.

And speaking of recipes, did you know that Publix will sell you their raw hamantaschen dough? They will. And you can take it home (or to your child's class), cut into circles with a drinking glass, fill with any preserves you have around the house, fold into triangles and bake yourself. This is a very cool and easy way to get your kids excited about Purim. Actually most kids are even fine with just filling the middle with chocolate chips (and WHO does have some of those?).

Some of the nicest traditions of Purim are the giving of gifts to the poor, and mishloach manot, the giving of gifts of food to friends and family. This does not have to be a basket of hamantaschen. Quite frankly, it is even more meaningful if it is personalized with a person’s favorite snacks, treats, or fruit. They can be themed baskets filled with items from a person’s favorite hobby, team, or color. What a great way for kids to learn the importance of giving and how our religion values that.

The fast approaching holiday of Purim may stress out parents a little bit but in the end, who doesn’t love the picture of the kid in the costume, twirling the grogger, and eating a hamantaschen all while you kick back, smile, and have a shot of vodka---what a holiday!

For a list of some great Purim books visit: www.pjlibrary.org
For a listing of Purim Celebrations in YOUR neighborhood visitthe Friedman CJE's website at:  www.cjepb.org, click on Parent Tab to get to the calendar.

How To Put Being Jewish On Your Radar

As a parent, you have twenty million things on your brain each day. And, I am sure "being Jewish" or "doing Jewish stuff with the kids" is on the list. But in the real world, it is easy for some things to get push to the bottom. So, I am here to share with you some of easy ways I have found to put being Jewish on your radar.

1. Try incorporating Jewish words/topics into your daily conversations with your kids. For example, instead of saying "TGIF" when you pick up the kids from school on Fridays, greet them with "Shabbat Shalom"----even if you know you will not have time that night to lights candles. Or, in the morning, wake your sleepy head with "Boker Tov" (Hebrew for good morning). And, when your child does something helpful around the house or treats a sibling with kindness, praise them by calling them a "Mensch".

2. Out of sight, out of mind------don't hide all the "Jewish things" you got at as a wedding gift. Put them on display in your home and let your children see them in a place of honor. Let them and everyone who visit your house that you live in a Jewish home. A great idea from my boss is to even make sure your ritual objects are at "kid level"---whatever height your child is currently.

3. Do a "drive by". Find an excuse to drop by your local synagogue (even if you are not a member) on your way to baseball, soccer or a music lesson. Drop off coins in their tzedakah box, donate can foods for their food drive, say hello to the rabbi or cantor. Anything that works for you to show your kids that this is "their" temple and it's fun and easy to visit.

4. Give responsibility to someone ELSE--now that your candlesticks are at kid level, why not give your child the "job" of pulling them out each Friday morning before s/he leaves for school? It will remind you when you come home that evening to light them. How about another job of polishing the kiddush cup, or bringing home the challah on Fridays from school or from a bakery? Kids love "jobs", especially when rewarded with a sticker on chart or even a special hug for a job well done.

These are just some ideas, I hope they help. It's not hard to put Judaism on you radar, sometimes you just need to be a little creative.

Beyond the Books

Almost everyday I am thanked for "the books". Part of my job as the Director of Jewish Family Life is to oversee the The PJ Library program in the Greater Palm Beaches. The PJ Library program sends FREE Jewish books and music to children ages 6 months-6 years. So, to over 1200 children (about 1000 families) I am "the book lady". The reality is that, the books come from a centralized distribution center in Western Massachusetts via the Harold Grinspoon Foundation. Most of the books, I never even get to see. In my own household, my youngest daughter receives the age 6 year old books which we adore.

So, while I am appreciative of these emails, calls and stops in Publix to thank me for the "books", it is the "beyond the books" stuff that really gets me excited. It's when I hear how a family's connection to a story has enticed them to start celebrating a Jewish holiday at home or looking into Jewish preschools for their child. The PJ Library is truly a family engagement program that acts as the start of family's Jewish journey. It's hearing these types of stories that really tell me that we are a success.

So, as I help families go "beyond the books", new challenges and opportunities have come up. How do I serve all these institutions and families from Boynton Beach to Martin County by myself? How can I be everywhere? Have no fear, there is a plan, and it is good. We here at the Commission for Jewish Education will soon be unveiling a major initiative to best serve young Jewish Families in our community. It is exciting, it is BIG and of course, it is costly. But most importantly, it is what is truly needed. So, I feel confident that the same kind of true philanthropists and forward thinkers who helped make the PJ Library program a reality for us will make this possible too.

At this time, I challenge our families to continue to reach out to the Jewish Family Life department here at the CJE and to stay tuned for what will be the NEXT BIG thing in going "beyond the books" for you and your family.

Amy Bergman

a.bergman@cjepb.org

561.209.2608

Sizzlin' Summer Shabbats

The recent rise in the mercury has made me think about the summer. It's approaching fast and furious. One of things I love about summer is the relaxed schedule and long days. Unfortunately, this usually means hot and sticky days as well. The rhythm of Shabbat is a little different too. Most local congregations still hold services, some maybe at earlier times or in a different venue like a chapel or library versus in the sanctuary. Sometimes the service is lead by a congregant or the Cantor (many Rabbis take time off in the summer). I like this change. It helps me and my kids remember that you can pray anywhere and with anyone. Our home Shabbat rituals vary a little too. Summer afternoons are often spent in the pool to cool off and then seem to seamlessly flow in to dinner time. In the summer on Fridays I bring the candlesticks out to the patio and the challah is put next to the barbecue Shabbat chicken. I have even gone as far as freezing the grape juice in small paper cups with a stick and having "Shabbat grape juice pops" for our outdoor summer kiddish (blessing over the wine). Summer is also the time that many families go on vacation (hopefully to somewhere a little cooler). You don't have to leave Shabbat behind. Did you know that most cruise ships hold short Shabbat services on Friday evenings? I am not joking. I have been to them. They are lovely and warm. The ships provide challah (usually delicious and 4 feet long), wine, service packets and even a person to lead the service. And most cruises leave on Friday afternoons, so this is a great way to get started on your trip and to meet other people on your cruise. This summer we are putting out a "new" Tzedakah box in which we will collect money over the course of the summer to give to specific cause. There are lots of exciting and new ways to celebrate Shabbat in the heat of the summer, all you have to do is keep your eyes open and being willing to think outside of the "Shabbat Box". Do you have any fun and different Shabbat ideas? Email them to me and I will share them: a.bergman@cjepb.org.