Is Your Family a Mixed Bag? If so, You’re Not the Only One

           My colleague and master teacher here at the Friedman Commission for Jewish Education, Lynne Lieberman, recently taught a class at the Mandel JCC entitled, “Is Your Family a Mixed Bag?.” It was a weekly course to learn more and share experiences about families with members of different faiths and their connection to Judaism. The course was intended for anyone and everyone who was interested. Well, that’s just about all of us, right? I know that certainly includes me, and I don’t think I know of any of my friends who don’t fall under this category either. SO, one would think that Lynne’s class would be packed, but sadly, it was not. Perhaps it wasn’t being offered on a convenient day/time or maybe because people didn’t hear about it or people weren’t even looking for it (**sigh**).

This got me to thinking about these “mixed bags” that we all have and the issues, conversations and conflict that arise. Do you find yourself asking: Who do we invite to our family Seder? Can I invite my non-Jewish relative for an honor at my child’s baby naming or Bar Mitzvah? At the end of each calendar year, does your family discuss the “December Dilemma”?
{read this great article that took that discussion a bit further}

If we are all asking ourselves these questions, where are we getting the answers? If not at a class like the one Lynne was leading, then where? Are you talking to your friends? Other family members? Your clergy? Anyone? Who do YOU turn to when you have interfaith issues, questions, concerns or want to explore one faith or another? Do you look online for answers? I wonder if our local parents of different faiths feel comfortable going together to temple or to church? Do local families know that many of our local rabbis are open to discussing Judaism with non-Jews, offering classes and even performing conversions? Are any of the wonderful online resources used at all? 

In the work I do every day with our Jewish community partners (temples, Jewish organizations, JCC, etc.) planning family engagement opportunities, I can’t tell you how many times the conversation turns into a discussion about how we can make whatever family program, service or event we are planning inclusive for everyone. The professionals and board members understand that nowadays every family is a mixed bag.  The real dilemma is how do we make the two meet? How do we get our “mixed bag” families involved and engaged in our Jewish community that desperately wants to include them?

This is really tough, and there may not be one clear cut answer. It seems to me that we may need to call in a Matchmaker to make this “shidduch”! Or, maybe it’s still an evolving relationship that will take more time. I am not sure.

For now, I am encouraged to see that local families are starting to recognize and identify themselves as real “mixed bags” and are interested in exploring what that means and how they can fit into our Jewish community. I am proud to work with others at the Friedman CJE like Lynne who are so knowledgeable about not only Judaism but other faiths and how they intermingle and relate to each other.  I am blessed to have a job here where I get to help people every day connect to our Jewish community and to find something that speaks to them and helps their families grow no matter what kind of bag they own.

Hiking Boots to Heels--How Connecting Families to Jewish Life & Learning Takes A Lot of Shoes

As I turned the corner from the owl exhibit to the snake display at Busch Wildlife I caught a glimpse of my hiking boots reflected on the glass of the boa’s habitat. This made me smirk a bit, but only for a second because my attention was quickly redirected to the four-year-old blond-haired girl tugging on my PJ Library® t-shirt. She was pointing to a dead mouse in the snake habitat. “Shhh,” I said, “it’s sleeping”. I thought it was a pretty good instant response; the little girl just smiled at me and moved on to the next exhibit.

I don’t wear hiking boots every day, but how cool is it that there are days in my work that I do? On that particular day, I was on a “Teva Trek” (Jewish nature walk) with preschool families. We wandered through a local wildlife preserve, looking at animals, appreciating nature and talking about the PJ Library® book, Fox Walked Alone. To see and hear these four-year-olds holding hands, walking together in pairs (just like the animals in the book), recalling the Hebrew word for “fox” (it’s shu-al, btw) and talking about showing kindness to animals the Jewish value of Tza’ar Ba’alei Hayim, (“the suffering of living things”) was pure excitement for me, their teachers, their parents and for the children. I could see their big smiles as they held up their homemade binoculars to look closely at the animals and when they got a high-five from our Shlichim (Israel ambassadors) for saying a Hebrew word correctly. It was a great morning.

That one great morning took weeks to plan with our partners: The One School at Temple Beth Am in Jupiter and with our Israeli Shlichim from our Jewish Federation, and boy did it pay off.

The children had a blast, the parents had fun too. But for me, it was what they left with that made the difference. Some left with a better understanding about nature, animals and the Jewish value. Others left with an understanding of what our Shlichim do while they are here from Israel in our community. Most left with my favorite takeaway— the knowledge that a PJ Library book can come to life in a new way and in a different place. 

I love these kinds of mornings. I don’t always get to see them first-hand:Most of our collaborative programs (over 30 each year) take place without my physical presence at the actual program/event. But on this day, with my hiking boots on, I could see for myself some of what happens all over our community almost weekly—a real Jewish connection is made.

After I said my “L’hitraot” (Hebrew for “see you later”), I went directly to the nearest Starbucks bathroom for a quick change from my hiking boots and cowboy hat to high heels and a business suit. Then I drove back to the Friedman CJE offices to make a presentation to our Board of Directors—another exciting opportunity, getting to tell others about the work we do every day! 

After my transformation, I entered the boardroom, USB thumb drive in hand, to give a Powerpoint presentation about the Jewish Family Life department and how we cover the 900-square- mile area that we call our Jewish community. I gave our board a thorough presentation about how we reach and engage young families raising Jewish children, acting as the concierge for parents to the Jewish community. I talked about collaborative programs like the Teva Treks, Story Times and Tot Shabbats, along with the consultation work we do throughout the community creating experiential Jewish learning opportunities in our preschools, religious schools and day school. My feet ached a bit by the time I finished (they probably would have rather I stayed in the boots), but in the end, the board members were engaged in our story, asking questions, wanting to learn more—which was even more exciting for me. 

By the end of the day when I finally took off my heels, it had been more than 12 hours since I had put on my boots. My feet felt sore but my heart felt GOOD. As I returned both pairs of shoes back to my closet, alongside the others, it dawned on me how engaging families really does take a lot of shoes!

BTS (Back to School and SHUL!)

It's Back To School time, hooray! Time to gather those school supplies and to check to see how much of last year's uniforms will make it through another year. I am giddy as I read fliers for Open House events, Back to School Nights and First Day Coffee clutches. This gets me excited. A fresh slate, a new year with possibilities, for my kids and for me. So much to learn and to do. Not just for the secular learning, but for Jewish learning as well. A new year of Jewish education, learning about the holidays, traditions, values and teachings. A new year of 11 new PJ Library books coming to your home (and 1 awesome CD). 

Jewish learning may not be your first thought as we reset our alarm clocks and setup carpool situations, but I feel that now is the time for us think about it as well. Some parents choose a Jewish education for their children at a local synagogue. Others choose to "home-shul" their children, making everyday an enriching Jewish experience to learn from. For some, a Jewish day school is the right place for their child to learn and grow and to connect to his/her Judaism. Kudos to all of those efforts. Exposing our children to the richness of our religion and culture is an amazing gift. 

But, what about us, the parents? Sure, we probably went to religious school and Hebrew school ages ago, did the bar/bat Mitzvah thing. Maybe some of us were confirmed, went to a Hebrew High School or High School in Israel program or, maybe not. This has gotten me thinking, what about me? What am I learning? When do I have time to learn? Does helping my daughter with her Hebrew homework count? Is there more out there that I can learn from my religion? More that will help me in my life, as a professional, as a wife, a friend, a mom? The answer is probably a very big YES! And, this fall I am committed, not just to my children's Jewish education, but to my own. And, I challenge other moms and dads to do the same. For me, I will seek out the offerings at my spiritual home (my synagogue) and here at the Friedman CJE (www.cjepb.org) where adult education is being revitalized. I hope to share some of what I learn with you in the months ahead. So, happy Back To School time and don't forget to put yourself on the syllabus of Jewish life.

Register for PJ Library in the Greater Palm Beaches
List of local synagogues
Our Community Jewish Day School-Meyer Academy
Friedman CJE

Meshuggeneh Thanksgivukkah!

There's been a lot of talk about this year's convergence of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah, spawning online chatter full with wonderful recipes, decorations and activities. There are Pinterest Boards, websites and Facebook events feverishly discussing how we can best celebrate two holidays at once, with our Turkey

Turkey Menorah created by local PJ Library family, the Fridmans.

menorahs, acorn dreidels, and cranberry applesauce to accompany our latkes. As a creative person myself, I love all these discussions and the excitement I see whenever the rapidly approaching "Thanksgivukkah" is mentioned.

I also am sensitive to the fact that there are some built in downsides for families to this once in a 70,000 year holiday "collision". The question of: "With whom and where do we go for Thanksgiving/Hanukkah?" is never more daunting now that the Thanksgiving weekend also encompasses half of the nights of Hanukkah. 

For many families there are always decisions about where to go for Thanksgiving, especially when family is not local. Here in the greater Palm Beaches, this is true for over 75% of our local young families. Yes, most parents of young families raising Jewish children do not have their own parents living here locally. This may seem odd for a community rich in grandparents, but it is true. For some, this scenario may lead to some difficult decisions and some stress. Where "balancing" the family time by splitting Thanksgiving and Hanukkah visits were the solution in the past, this year it is not an option. Not to mention, our local children's winter break will NOT include a Jewish holiday this year.

So, what to do? CELEBRATE Thanksgivukkah in the best way you can, with whomever you can; it is a once in lifetime experience for everyone to enjoy. CREATE other times and occasions to celebrate with other family members in December. There are four Shabbats in the month, make one (or more) special! USE technology to "virtually" bring others to your Thanksgiving/Hanukkah dinner table or candle lighting.
READ a great Hanukkah story together, there's so many to choose from on the PJ Library website. FIND a local Hanukkah event or program to attend with your children. Thanksgivukkah will be one of those holidays no one will forget, so make it "unforgettable" for you and your family.

Continue to Connect, Learn and Grow in the Greater Palm Beaches, visit www.cjepb.org

Gobble Tov!