Is Your Family a Mixed Bag? If so, You’re Not the Only One

           My colleague and master teacher here at the Friedman Commission for Jewish Education, Lynne Lieberman, recently taught a class at the Mandel JCC entitled, “Is Your Family a Mixed Bag?.” It was a weekly course to learn more and share experiences about families with members of different faiths and their connection to Judaism. The course was intended for anyone and everyone who was interested. Well, that’s just about all of us, right? I know that certainly includes me, and I don’t think I know of any of my friends who don’t fall under this category either. SO, one would think that Lynne’s class would be packed, but sadly, it was not. Perhaps it wasn’t being offered on a convenient day/time or maybe because people didn’t hear about it or people weren’t even looking for it (**sigh**).

This got me to thinking about these “mixed bags” that we all have and the issues, conversations and conflict that arise. Do you find yourself asking: Who do we invite to our family Seder? Can I invite my non-Jewish relative for an honor at my child’s baby naming or Bar Mitzvah? At the end of each calendar year, does your family discuss the “December Dilemma”?
{read this great article that took that discussion a bit further}

If we are all asking ourselves these questions, where are we getting the answers? If not at a class like the one Lynne was leading, then where? Are you talking to your friends? Other family members? Your clergy? Anyone? Who do YOU turn to when you have interfaith issues, questions, concerns or want to explore one faith or another? Do you look online for answers? I wonder if our local parents of different faiths feel comfortable going together to temple or to church? Do local families know that many of our local rabbis are open to discussing Judaism with non-Jews, offering classes and even performing conversions? Are any of the wonderful online resources used at all? 

In the work I do every day with our Jewish community partners (temples, Jewish organizations, JCC, etc.) planning family engagement opportunities, I can’t tell you how many times the conversation turns into a discussion about how we can make whatever family program, service or event we are planning inclusive for everyone. The professionals and board members understand that nowadays every family is a mixed bag.  The real dilemma is how do we make the two meet? How do we get our “mixed bag” families involved and engaged in our Jewish community that desperately wants to include them?

This is really tough, and there may not be one clear cut answer. It seems to me that we may need to call in a Matchmaker to make this “shidduch”! Or, maybe it’s still an evolving relationship that will take more time. I am not sure.

For now, I am encouraged to see that local families are starting to recognize and identify themselves as real “mixed bags” and are interested in exploring what that means and how they can fit into our Jewish community. I am proud to work with others at the Friedman CJE like Lynne who are so knowledgeable about not only Judaism but other faiths and how they intermingle and relate to each other.  I am blessed to have a job here where I get to help people every day connect to our Jewish community and to find something that speaks to them and helps their families grow no matter what kind of bag they own.

Hiking Boots to Heels--How Connecting Families to Jewish Life & Learning Takes A Lot of Shoes

As I turned the corner from the owl exhibit to the snake display at Busch Wildlife I caught a glimpse of my hiking boots reflected on the glass of the boa’s habitat. This made me smirk a bit, but only for a second because my attention was quickly redirected to the four-year-old blond-haired girl tugging on my PJ Library® t-shirt. She was pointing to a dead mouse in the snake habitat. “Shhh,” I said, “it’s sleeping”. I thought it was a pretty good instant response; the little girl just smiled at me and moved on to the next exhibit.

I don’t wear hiking boots every day, but how cool is it that there are days in my work that I do? On that particular day, I was on a “Teva Trek” (Jewish nature walk) with preschool families. We wandered through a local wildlife preserve, looking at animals, appreciating nature and talking about the PJ Library® book, Fox Walked Alone. To see and hear these four-year-olds holding hands, walking together in pairs (just like the animals in the book), recalling the Hebrew word for “fox” (it’s shu-al, btw) and talking about showing kindness to animals the Jewish value of Tza’ar Ba’alei Hayim, (“the suffering of living things”) was pure excitement for me, their teachers, their parents and for the children. I could see their big smiles as they held up their homemade binoculars to look closely at the animals and when they got a high-five from our Shlichim (Israel ambassadors) for saying a Hebrew word correctly. It was a great morning.

That one great morning took weeks to plan with our partners: The One School at Temple Beth Am in Jupiter and with our Israeli Shlichim from our Jewish Federation, and boy did it pay off.

The children had a blast, the parents had fun too. But for me, it was what they left with that made the difference. Some left with a better understanding about nature, animals and the Jewish value. Others left with an understanding of what our Shlichim do while they are here from Israel in our community. Most left with my favorite takeaway— the knowledge that a PJ Library book can come to life in a new way and in a different place. 

I love these kinds of mornings. I don’t always get to see them first-hand:Most of our collaborative programs (over 30 each year) take place without my physical presence at the actual program/event. But on this day, with my hiking boots on, I could see for myself some of what happens all over our community almost weekly—a real Jewish connection is made.

After I said my “L’hitraot” (Hebrew for “see you later”), I went directly to the nearest Starbucks bathroom for a quick change from my hiking boots and cowboy hat to high heels and a business suit. Then I drove back to the Friedman CJE offices to make a presentation to our Board of Directors—another exciting opportunity, getting to tell others about the work we do every day! 

After my transformation, I entered the boardroom, USB thumb drive in hand, to give a Powerpoint presentation about the Jewish Family Life department and how we cover the 900-square- mile area that we call our Jewish community. I gave our board a thorough presentation about how we reach and engage young families raising Jewish children, acting as the concierge for parents to the Jewish community. I talked about collaborative programs like the Teva Treks, Story Times and Tot Shabbats, along with the consultation work we do throughout the community creating experiential Jewish learning opportunities in our preschools, religious schools and day school. My feet ached a bit by the time I finished (they probably would have rather I stayed in the boots), but in the end, the board members were engaged in our story, asking questions, wanting to learn more—which was even more exciting for me. 

By the end of the day when I finally took off my heels, it had been more than 12 hours since I had put on my boots. My feet felt sore but my heart felt GOOD. As I returned both pairs of shoes back to my closet, alongside the others, it dawned on me how engaging families really does take a lot of shoes!