"How To Talk to Your Children About G-d"- The Cliff Notes

This past Friday I joined a group of parents who came to Temple Beth Torah in Wellington to hear what Joel Grishaver (Jewish author, teacher, cartoonist and storyteller) had to teach us and discuss with us about Talking to Your Children About G-d. It was such an interesting and informative session. I really got a lot out of it and wanted to share my brief notes with you because I know you might really enjoy them and be able to use some of the language and tools he shared with us.

When discussing G-d with young children:

1. You must be comfortable talking about G-d before you can do so with your child. Not everyone sees and believes in G-d in the same way. Working on answers to your child's questions about G-d and struggling with them is better than ignoring them.

2. Remember that their questions need answers that you won't have to undo or unteach as they get older.

3. Be honest, "I don't know "and "I'm not sure" are acceptable answers sometimes.

4.Sometimes there are more possible answers to a question and you should leave room for some complexity that is opened ended. By responding, "That's the way the story goes...", you may do this and give your child something to think about.

5. You can provoke questions about G-d by using books and stories. Try this book as a collection of stories YOU can read to your young child: I Have Some Questions About G-d, available at http://www.torahaura.com.another/ good book for parents to read is: When Children Ask About G-d, by Harold Kushner

6. What we want are conversations, every story is the start of a conversation, ask your child, "What do you think it means?'

7. When dealing with kids who are a little older, you can take your conversations to a different level, with responses that include: "Some people think this, some think that, what do you choose?"

Next, Joel challenged the parents to discuss the questions that THEY are most scared of:

• One parent was scared of her child's question: "How could G-d let my "grandma" or "dog" die?". One way to address this would be to explain to the child that G-d works through people and people did the best they could.


• Another question was, "How could G-d let the Holocaust happen?". Joel responded with some useful answers to this questions. One was, "G-d did stop the Holocaust, with people, but it took longer than we wanted". Another was, " The Holocaust is really a question about people, not about G-d. Few were guilty and many were responsible."


• The next question from kids that parents were scared of was, "How do we know there is a G-d?" To this, Joel asked the parents to think about their own answer to this question. He even asked us to categorize our responses into some typical trains of thought: 1. There is no G-d. 2. We can feel G-d inside of us. 3. We can see G-d in nature. 4. We just have to believe. We discussed how we each could relate to these responses (not one is right or wrong) and use them to discuss G-d with our kids. After our discussion, Joel said that sometimes it may be helpful to describe G-d in this way to young kids (and I LOVED this one): G-d is like the WIND. You can't see the wind, you can't draw the wind, but you can see and draw what the wind (G-d) does.

Finally, we discussed that idea that if parents act as if there is a G-d by bringing G-d into your home with "Jewish Stuff" then they kids will start to get a feel for G-d. Put up a mezuzah, may be a lower hung one at child height for the kids. Acknowledge the mezuzah, touch and kiss your hand as you enter the house or room, let your kids know that this sends the message that G-d wants our house to be a place of peace and understanding.

There were so many more thoughts and ideas on this topic to discuss, but we ran out of time. I hope these notes can help you begin a dialog in your home. I plan on purchasing the above mentioned books for myself. I will let you know how I use them and what I found helpful. As always, feel free to contact me with ideas, thoughts and questions of your own about this or any other Jewish family topic.

Thinking about you and G-d,

Amy

a.bergman@cjepb.org